This Animal I have become Remus
by LAB Rats
Summary: This Animal I have Become- Three Days Grace. Songfic. Remus hates the wolf inside him. Remus hates what has happened in his life. HPRL if you want to see it that way. It could be Tonks, if you think it over too much.


Disclaimer- I don't own Harry Potter, or the song. This Animal I have become, by Three Days Grace.

Warning- Possible HPRL if you look for it. You can gloss over it if you don't look closely. Sorry.

This Animal I have Become

_I can't escape this hell_

Remus didn't remember the first time that he felt hatred for what he was, probably as soon as he understood. So many things went wrong with his life because of this curse. He lost the love of his father, if not the love of his mother. This curse was the worst thing that could happen to Remus.

_so many times I've tried_

Remus had tried to kill himself so often that he lost count. Then he met his friends, who lightened the heavy load on his shoulders.

_but I'm still caged inside_

_Somebody get me through this nightmare_

Remus still didn't understand why they would do that, why they would learn such a difficult thing for him. For Remus Lupin, Werewolf. It was...it wasn't possible.

_I can't control myself_

The scare with Severus was closer then Remus ever wanted to come to hurting someone. That scare was too much. He hated Sirius for exposing him to that, but part of him wished James had been later so he could have bitten the boy. He couldn't control himself at that time, or the ideas that came to him, wanting to destroy Severus.

_so what if you can see the darkest side of me,_

_no one can ever change this animal I have become_

No cure would come, it was well known by now. If someone tried, there would still be something wrong. Werewolves were found and caught and experimented on. Remus didn't even want to think about what was happening in the bowels of the Ministry, the Department of Mysteries. Everyone knew they wanted to get rid of werewolves.

_and help me believe it's not the real me_

Remus hated those times just before the moon, when he was so sure that what he said was normal, but someone would burst into tears. What felt so natural then, hurt him as soon as he got away from the moon again. Remus was always watching, terrified of what he was saying when he didn't watch.

_Somebody help me tame this animal!_

_(This animal, this animal)_

No one could tame him, ever, because there was no way to remove this curse, and there was no way anyone could convince the wolf that killing wasn't good. So long as the wolf wanted it, then he would kill people on the nights of the moon, if he could find any.

_I can't escape myself_

_(I can't escape myself)_

Sometimes he would take some poison, but it always got out of his system by the time the moon set again. It worked to stop the change for one moon, but it made him sickly, and made him vicious, and the wolf was more easily seen outside of the moon. No matter what he tried, nothing got better.

_So many times I've lied_

_(So many times I've lied)_

There was never a good way to say, _I'm a werewolf_ and so he lied. His mother's sick. He's sick. Doesn't matter what he says, but he always lies about it. The excuses at work left him out of jobs even in the muggle world. He lied to them about his full moon nights, and why he could never come to work the next day.

_but there's still rage inside_

The wolf raged inside of him, reaching through for him and trying to make him do something that he didn't want to do, any other time. He had no reason to stop the wolf from raging, sometimes, and he'd let it out. But it was locked up again at the sight of the fear.

_Somebody get me through this nightmare_

He knew as soon as he touched the little baby, the grounding contact. He felt nothing about this baby that he shouldn't, but knew that he would never let this baby be hurt, never hurt this baby himself, and swore that this baby would be as happy as possible. Something that his wolf agreed with fully, and he was almost afraid of his conviction in his swearing protection for this boy. This boy grounded him for a year, before he lost the boy.

_I can't control myself_

He lost the boy. He had to find him, but no one would tell him where the baby went. Where would he go, and who would take him, that he wouldn't go with Remus? Sirius, James, Peter, there was no one left to run with the wolf when the fill moon came. And it wasn't until 12 years later tat he had the chance to run with someone again, because no one else thought it was worth it. That's why he lost control of himself again. It wasn't worth the effort it would take to hold himself back again.

_so what if you can see the darkest side of me?_

_No one would ever change this animal I have become_

Remus knew that he would stay a werewolf for life, but still tried to hide it from the boy when they met again. He tried to hide it from the boy when the boy tried to find out. It was something that his wolf hated, but he wanted to hide his dark secret. Ho one could get rid of it, but he could hide it.

_And we believe it's not the real me_

The wolf howled at him to tell the boy, though part of him screamed back that this would only scare the boy. He knew that what the wolf wanted was exactly what Remus didn't want. The wolf wanted the boy to never be able to leave. Remus didn't want to force it. This was one of those times that he knew that he and the wolf were different. Always would be.

_somebody help me tame this animal_

No one stood by him to help him tame the wolf, who was gradually getting stronger as it struggled to find the boy and bring him back. He promised the boy that he'd be loved, but how can Remus love the boy if the boy is so far away? How can he protect the boy if he can't find the boy? How, how did they expect anything to turn out right?

_somebody help me through this nightmare_

Left alone in his grief, no one came to talk to him. Then because they were busy. The excuses were always there, and slowly it became normal to not talk to him. He was left alone in this world...He didn't have anyone to help him with anything.

_I can't control myself_

Remus glared at people every two seconds. He snarled so easily. Then he noticed what he was doing, and hid himself. There was no way he'd allow himself to be seen in public, if he couldn't control himself.

_Somebody wake me from this nightmare_

Remus wanted to find the boy, it was all that he and his wolf wanted. Both needed the boy. Something that they agreed on, was that he would end the horrors that they saw every night. That he would end the pain.

_I can't escape this hell_

Remus felt like he was back in hell, alone, but now it was worse because now he knew that he had to find someone, but couldn't. It was then that help came. He was asked to teach, and saw the boy again. He could barely hold himself back from smothering the boy. He could only hold himself back by reminding himself, it would scare the boy. The boy was scared. Don't scare the boy. You promised you'd never scare him. You promised. Don't break your promise.

_(This animal, _

This animal, who was called Remus' wolf.

_this animal, _

This Animal, who he couldn't control, no matter what he wanted.

_this animal, _

This Animal, who was never going away.

_this animal, _

This Animal, who was becoming more and more like Remus, or maybe that was backwards.

_this animal, _

This Animal, who would never hurt anyone that it called pack

_this animal, _

This Animal, who hated the world for everything that happened to it, and hated everything that he saw.

_this animal)_

This Animal, who led Remus to the one bright light in his world of grays and blacks.

_So what if you can see the darkest side of me?_

Remus was never happier then the moons, when he could run with his mate, who was so accepting of him, who was so accepting of everything that Remus was and could have been. It made Remus happy to run with such a beautiful creature as his Wolf-Mate.

_No one will ever change this animal I have become_

He was found by his mate, drunk, and started complaining about being a werewolf because now he knew who he would love forever, and he had no choice in that, really. It was that night that he was yelled at about how it was good. The term used then, was sexy. But the word changes. Helpful, fun, interesting, wonderful, somehow negative words were never used to describe the Wolf. No one would change the animal he had become. And now, he didn't want them to.

_And we believe it's not the real me_

The first time he told his mate that he was a monster, his mate slapped him. Then screamed at him and kissed him. That was the last time he could call himself a monster, and soon after, he couldn't say that about his wolf either. It wasn't him, but it was part of him at the same time.

_Somebody help me tame this animal I have become_

_and we believe it's not the real me_

It took only the soothing touch of his mate to calm down outside of the moon, where the wolf showed up more and more often, sending both Remus and his mate into the nearest private area, so that his Mate could show him what happened when his Wolf came out. And Remus could be tamed by his mate, and that's the way it would always be.

_somebody help me tame this animal I have become_

_(This animal I have become.)_

His wish was granted, someone had tamed him. No matter what happened the night of the moon, so long as his mate was safe, he was tamed. He would never hurt anyone, because his mate hated the pain so much, and would leave him if he hurt anyone. He had to be controlled, and simply ran with his friends at night, because there was nothing else.

Remus stared at the ceiling, thinking about his life, until he felt his mate shifting against him. A small, thin hand reached up to pull his face over, before soft pink lips nipped at his own. "Sleep, Love, life will be there in the morning, and we can solve it then."

Remus smiled and snuggled into the warm body beside him, smelling the soft strands of hair, and reassuring himself that, no matter what, his mate was there, and always would be.


End file.
